More Words

I suppose quiet and meditation is to still the mind.  My girlies are on a grand adventure and I am alone in a very cozy quiet house...  while only day one, the quiet and time alone has stilled me.  And given me time to ponder.  I like pondering...  its not like calling a girlfriend in desperation for advice.  I'm not reading any self help books.  Just sitting... and pondering.  Rolling my thoughts around and delightedly at peace with how I Feel about so many things.  Rewind, just a year ago, and I couldn't say that.  Rewind, four years ago, and I couldn't even believe it was possible... to be at peace.  Words are so powerful.  While I am not great at memorizing things, there are certainly words that have stuck with me that have so much meaning.  Maybe not when I first heard them, but having my own experience to apply, finds me able to define so much and put things to rest and bring this peace.  Oprah calls them "Aha" moments.  When you finally get it!  One thing I have finally gotten, is stress.  It can be a monster...  or it can simply be.  Sure, its everywhere. At one point in my life when I was very, very ill, compeletly worn and beaten down with no immune system, I found myself with mono.  I was in bed for six months.  My doctor initially asked, "Whats going on with you?"  He is very holistic, Eastern medicine kind of guy...  I think he had a prescription pad somewhere with an inch of dust on it.  I loved how he treated my "whole" body....from the inside out.  Getting to the root of the problem.  After I told him all that was going on in my life, he was scrambling for that pad, writing me a script for anti anxiety meds.  Wow.  Well, okay.  As much as I don't believe in taking pills, I thought for him to be advocating it, I must really need it.  He said that what I was dealing with, and the period of time I had been doing so, was more than any one person should ever have to handle.  I was thankful at that point he wasn't fitting me for a snug little white jacket with velcro straps.  How did I handle stress then?  I DIDN'T! I was in constant reaction mode, boo hoo, poor me, get me out of here....   and it won.  It got me.  It dried up my milk.  The mono attacked my liver, I dropped to 96 pounds and I saw the light.  My grandmother, smelling of Tea Rose, came in a white light.  I took a step toward her and stopped, hearing a baby cry.  My babies still need me.  I rolled out of bed and had my mother in law drive me to the hospital.  I was yellow.  My organs were shutting down. Somehow, with the help of a naturopath and 27 different supplements I was able to care for my children again.  Then I found Herbalife.  I lost 26 pounds.  I got out of an unhealthy situation, and lost another 160 pounds without dieting (ha, ha, that's how much my ex husband weighs...get it?!!)  And, the journey began.  And guess what?  It was full of stress!  BUT,  I wasn't going to let it get me.  No way. I left to give myself the gift of life and my daughters back their mother.  If what we endured and survived didn't get  us, well, pardon my French, get the hell out of the way cause' we're not stopping here. Just ponderin'!!!